


threat

by orphan_account



Category: Death Note
Genre: Chickens, Cyborgs, Dildos, Fate, Gen, Lasers, hamletmachine, no sexy lovey stuff except near sort of hitting on mello at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-24
Updated: 2014-05-24
Packaged: 2018-01-26 08:31:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1681658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Near gets Mello alone and threatens him with his laser fingers.  </p><p>...</p><p>"You're a cyborg!"<br/>"I'm not a cyborg," said Near as he shot another laser out of his finger at Mello and his eyes flashed white and he made a little beep noise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	threat

PART 1: the first time 

"Gevanni, Halle, I want to talk to Mello alone."  
"But-"  
"I want to talk to Mello alone." He looked at them with his eyes. They obediently left in the elevator.  
"Mello."  
"Near."  
Near pressed a button inside his left eye and scanned Mello. He could see every layer of Mello, and every layer on him. Gun. Chocolate. Skeleton. Penis. Leather pants. Beating heart.  
"What are you doing?" said Mello nervously, moving his hand toward his gun. Near's eye was doing something weird.  
Slowly, Near raised his hand and pointed his pointer finger at Mello's concealed gun.  
ZWWWOOOP went the laser and the gun disintegrated into nothingness.  
"WHAT ARE YOU?" Mello screamed. He was in shock. He began to step backwards, away from Near, and almost tripped over his own feet.  
"I'm Near," said Near as stepped closer to Mello. Nearer.  
"You're a cyborg!"  
"I'm not a cyborg," said Near as he shot another laser out of his finger at Mello and his eyes flashed white and he made a little beep noise.  
"You are!" Mello cried, artfully dodging the laser and flattening himself against the wall, as if that would make him a more difficult target. Silly Mello.  
"No," said Near. "'m not."  
"Yes you are!" disagreed Mello.  
"You need to stop kidnapping my employees."  
"I haven't kidnapped any of your employees! Well, I have, but-"  
"You must stop, Mello. Or face the consequences."  
"What consequences?"  
"I'll laser your penis off," said Near.  
"WHAT?!"  
"And put it up my butt, times when I'm alone."  
...  
"I will stop kidnapping your employees," promised Mello and he bowed.  
"Thankyou." Near put his hand down. Mello relaxed a little. He needed some chocolate, but if he reached into his pocket to get it out Near might laser his chocolate away. He glanced at Near, who was smiling blankly like a cyborg. Deathly silence buzzed for a little while.  
"Were you always a cyborg?" Mello enquired, more out of politeness than curiosity. He really wanted to get out of there.  
"I'm not a cyborg." Near seemed to be getting a bit angry.  
"I have to go now," said Mello.  
"Okay. Bye!" Near waved and smiled. Mello bowed again, made for the door.  
"...Bye." 

 

PART 2: to be or not to be

"Hello?" said Mello into the telephone.  
"It's Halle. We need your help."  
"Near - needs my help?" said Mello, slowly, emphasising every syllable. It tasted so good. Near needs my help.  
"Yes."  
"And why would I help Near?" Mello said coolly, leaning back on his leather lounge with his leather clothes.  
"Because if you don't he'll laser your penis off."  
"He what."  
"He'll laser your penis off, and put it up his butt, times when he's alone," Halle repeated. She'd memorised the line. She glanced at Near. Near nodded and smiled.  
"He SAID THAT?!"  
"Yes."  
"But - but what if I die?"  
"Let me talk to him," said Near and Halle handed him the phone.  
"It's me," he said. "You will probably die yes but think about it, Mello. Death - or life with a lasered off penis. It's up to you."  
"…"  
"You can have some time to think if you w-"  
"I'll see you in hell."  
Near smiled into the phone as Mello hung up with a click.

 

PART 3: flashback

"Are you new?"  
"Yes."  
"I'm Mello and I'll beat you up if you touch me." Little Mello was small and cute with chin length blonde hair and soft black clothes and a temper.  
"I'm Near and I'll laser you if you beat me up." Little Near was small and cute with fluffy white hair and loose white clothes and - not a temper, but something. Seemed like the new kid some weird passive aggressive thing going on. Mello didn't like it.  
"You'll what?"  
"Laser you."  
"What does that mean?" Mello demanded, narrowing his eyes.  
"Mello!" called Roger, hurrying down the hallway. "You've met Near?"  
"Yes." Roger checked Near for bruises. No bruises.  
"I hope you two will get on!" said Roger cheerily, knowing they would not get on at all.  
Mello scowled. Near, very slightly, smiled. 

Big Mello thought of this and froze. Near had… always been a cyborg…  
Currently, Mello was driving his van with his pretending hat on. Takada was in the back, not making any noise. Mello very nearly ran over a cat because he was so distracted thinking about Near. 

 

PART 4: fate

"You're god?" said Dead Big Mello, horrified.  
"Yes," said Near. "If you recall, you said you'd see me in hell. Well, you were wrong. You're not going to hell, Mello."  
"Why not?"  
"You're not a bad person. Also, I was always quite fond of you."  
"You were what?"  
"Fond of Mello."  
"Fond."  
"I liked you more than a friend," GodNear said, attempting to wink. "I still do!"  
"You fucking ga-"  
"Laser, Mello. Remember the laser." Near held up his hand and Mello shut his mouth.  
"Am I going to heaven then?"  
"You're going back to earth."  
"Eh?"  
"You will be reborn as a chicken."  
"A chicken?! What??"  
"I will also be reborn as a chicken. Now that I've caught the biggest serial killer ever to exist in the history of the world, nothing can really satisfy me. I mean, the cases are getting boring… and I've always wondered what it would be like to be a chicken."  
"I'll peck you to death, you fucking d-"  
"No no, you won't remember any of this. Neither will I. Me and you, we'll probably end up friends. Or lovers!"  
Mello was speechless. He did not want to be Near's chicken lover.  
"It is your fate," said Near.  
It was Mello's fate.  
END.


End file.
